Thanksgiving is Coming and I'm Thankful I Can Have Surgery!

Thanksgiving is quickly approaching and I am not prepared! No surprise! Maybe it counts a little that I bought the big box of bread crumbs for stuffing at Costco last week. Now for a turkey and a few other necessities so that the family can make our Thanksgiving Dinner. That's right, I'll probably be watching or maybe even sleeping on the couch because I will be having surgery the day before!

Art and I went to see my Plastic Surgeon on Monday to discuss having the implant relocated and removing the other small lump. As he is assessing the situation and leaving no room for modesty, he asked about the remaining tissue under my arms. I quickly said, "well I would love to have it removed but you said that would be an out-of-pocket expense and we can't afford it". His response shocked me! He said that recently they have been able to do such surgeries as a covered procedure following mastectomy surgery, especially for women like myself that were large busted prior to cancer. I was speechless for a second and then responded, "sign me up". Seriously, you have no idea how uncomfortable this issue (or tissue) has been for me and how often I've wished (and prayed) that it could be done. This is a huge blessing!!

He asked when I wanted to have the surgery and Art and I had already discussed some options. We definitely want it done before the end of the year because I've met my deductible for 2010. Then, the doctor said he could do it next week. Are you serious? He was and I agreed to it! So the plan was to have it done Tuesday, which would give me Wednesday to recover a bit before Thanksgiving Day. Yesterday I receive the call saying that the hospital doesn't have any availability for Tuesday but they could do it Wednesday...ugh...deep breath...the day before Thanksgiving, are you serious? Well, that's the plan now and seemed like the best solution for several reasons. The following week is Sherry's birthday and the kids are planning to go to Disneyland. I knew they would cancel if I was having surgery. The week after that is my mom's 80th birthday and we are planning a little party. I also have "clients" closing on their home that week. Then we get closer to Christmas and all the festivities! So it's settled, next Wednesday, unless they have a cancellation for Tuesday.

I text Art this morning and asked him if I was crazy. Fortunately for me, I have a hubby that loves to cook and be in the kitchen, accompanied by two wonderful daughters that are great cooks, as well. Of course I can't forget Josh, my 9 year old grandson who aspires to be a chef someday and is always excited about helping in the kitchen.

God is good and His provisions always come at the right time!

If It's Not One Thing...

My goal was to schedule the recommended surgery to remove the lump and move the implant before the end of the year but I was determined to pay off the surgeon for previous services before I would schedule any more. I also found out that I needed to have some hand surgery to release a couple of trigger joints. I had it all planned out. I would have the breast surgery and then about a month later I would take care of my hand....that was until my fingers became so painful and locked up more frequently. The doctor was unable to give me any more cortisone injections and surgery was inevitable.

I had the hand surgery in October and I'm almost completely healed. My middle finger still has slight swelling and lack of range of motion. Sometimes it feels as though it's broken but hopefully in time it will heal completely. I am thankful that I can open and close my fingers now without them getting stuck. Now I can play that little finger game with the kids, "open shut them, open shut them, give a little clap, clap, clap". Before surgery it was a little more delayed and pretty comical.

Mystery Rash Returns

The middle of June, I began not feeling well and although I couldn't really pin point why I didn't feel good, I just knew something didn't seem right. I started having chills and fever and feeling weak. One day, about a week after Jordan had arrived, Sherry said, "mom your face is flush, have you checked your breast area". She said this because in December I had developed some type of mysterious skin infection that set into my chest area and was bright red. I hadn't even thought about the fact that it could be a similar problem again, after all, that was so strange when it happened the first time. Sherry followed me to the bathroom mirror and as I lifted my shirt we saw the familiar redness and it was warm to the touch.

I knew I would probably be accompanied to the hospital once again but I didn't want to think about it. As you can guess, I didn't have a say in the matter! Art promptly took me and Sherry to the hospital and dropped us off while he ran to his own doctor appointment. A few hours later I was being admitted to hospital and pumped full of strong antibiotics that I can't even pronounce. Fortunately, this time they were able to catch it before it spread as much as the first time around. I was seen by the same Infectious Disease Doctor and she was just as puzzled about it this time as last. After a few days of care in the hospital, I was released and I continued the medications at home. The only explanation they can give is that my immune system is compromised and infections hit the weakest area. Hopefully this is the last time!!

Bundle of Joy...Little Jordan Arrives!

The biggest bright spot in my summer was the arrival of my 4th grandson! Jordan Alexandar made his grand entrance into this world on June 18th! He tried to make his appearance several times but the doctors were able to hold mommy's contractions off long enough for him to be healthy and strong, even though he insisted on still coming a bit early! What an awesome experience to witness his birth, as I have with the other three boys. My emotions were raw, as I realized how blessed I was to be here, alive, and to hold him in my arms.

The days around his birth were busy and exciting as we helped with the other boys and spent time getting to know our newest addition. There is nothing like being a grandma. There is nothing like being a cancer survivor and soaking up the precious moments of life! I realize how blessed I am!

It's Been a Rough Year!

I haven't been very deligent about updating my blog this year...in fact, I realize now that I haven't blogged since February. I don't think I can fully explain my state of mind this last year and especially the summer months, so suffice it to say, I was in a bit of a funk and a little depressed perhaps.

Honestly, I feel like maybe everything finally caught up with me and my emotions. I was physically and emotionally tired of dealing with medical issues. It seems as though it's been one issue after another without any time to get my head above water for a deep breath.

Actually, I guess it started in the spring with the discovery of a lump in the same breast that had cancer. I did all the right things, I went to the doctor but was hoping he would say he didn't feel it and I was being paranoid. Unfortunately, he did feel it, as well, and sent me for an ultra sound. The report was reassuring, in that the radiologist believed it to be benign. However, shortly after my visit, my doctor called and suggested that I still consult with my surgeon for another opinion. I saw the surgeon and his opinion was that with my history, the lump should be removed or at the very least biopsied, although it wasn't urgent. I will be the first to admit that I want the lump out of there but his words brought mixed emotions. The good news was that he suggested it could be done at the same time that the implant is relocated to it intended position. He was afraid that if he just tried to biopsy or remove the lump he may rupture the implant. Now, I would need to meet with the Plastic Surgeon to schedule it.

On top of the medical issues I was facing, business was slow and finances were tight! Then I found out I needed a lot of dental work done which was going to cost more than I could afford! I just wanted off the merry-go-round because it wasn't very "merry"!

Slip Sliding Away

Over the past several months, I've tried to ignore the fact that one of my implants has decided to go south...literally, and sort of east, or west...depending on where the sun rises in your neighborhood. At first, I thought it was just my imagination but after getting the opinion of my family members, it was confirmed. Now, don't think we sat around the dinner table evaluating the situation, but privately, my hubby, and both daughters agreed that things were slip sliding away! Yes, they laughed a little bit, too!

Guess what? Some situations don't improve by ignoring them!! In November, I consulted with my plastic surgeon and he agreed that I was a bit out of balance. His solution was a "simple procedure" to surgically return the implant to it's intended position. I also addressed issues with the other side but he did not concur. It's amazing how he has changed his tune since I first started this process with him. Initially, he assured me that ALL surgeries that were related to the BC would be covered by insurance. However, now he's singing a different tune. Of course he would gladly take care of it all but it would be an out-of-pocket expense. No thank you!

Last week, I consulted with my friends doctor, to get a second opinion. Unfortunately, it cost me a $40 co-pay for him to tell me the same basic information, but he does get brownie points for being very professional, nice, and honest!! He agreed with my doc, with the exception of it being a "simple procedure". Simple for him, he smirked, but he said I may not agree. Obviously, it wouldn't be nearly as involved as the original surgery but would require some down time and limitations for several months. Ugh...not again! Not to mention the fact, there are no promises that it won't reoccur. Seriously?

I'm certainly not too concerned about the appearance but it is rather uncomfortable to have the implant shift downward and over under my armpit! If you're a visual person, I'm sure you're getting a hilarious picture in your mind...it's not THAT bad! I know I'm eventually going to have to deal with it but for now, picture me with my hands over my ears, singing loudly...lalalalalalalala! I don't want to deal with it, yet!

So, to the lady who said to me once, "I have a family history of BC and so I'm considering having a bi-lateral mastectomy and getting implants so my breasts will be perky!" (Yes she did say that to me!) You might want to rethink it...it's not all it's cracked up to be!

Just A Reminder...

The purpose of my blog has to been to share my journey and my life following my breast cancer diagnosis. It's been healing for me to be able to share my thoughts, fears, frustrations, blessings and every other emotion I've experienced along the way. I'm encouraged to know that others have enjoyed traveling the road with me and continue to follow my blog.

Sometimes I have questioned how much I should share and how open I should be with my blog. After all, once it's on here...I'm not quite sure who is reading it. You know I'm talking about you "blog stalkers"! :) My prayer has been and will continue to be that somehow, through it all, God would be honored and praised, as I give Him glory for it all.

So, if you've been shocked by how open and transparent I am with such a personal issue, I hope you're not offended and maybe this isn't the place for you to come again. All others, please continue to share this journey with me. After all, any adventure is better when shared with a friend!

It's a Battle Worth Fighting!

The fight against cancer takes everything you've got...and then some! Although I have been cancer free for 2 1/2 years, the results of the battle are felt in my body everyday!

In the past several months I have been dealing with frustrations of physical limitations in my body. Is it a result of cancer treatment? I'm not really sure! I have had incredible joint pain, stiffness, and swelling, along with the chronic headaches. I have seen a foot specialist and received shots in both feet, a hand doctor and had multiple shots in my finger joints, and a neurologist has tried a few medications for the headaches.

In the fall, I was referred to a rheumatologist for evaluation and had my first visit with her and her staff. I must say, I don't know when I had a more thorough physical examination! The exam was followed by lots of bloodwork, and MRI's of my hands, wrists, feet, and ankles in December. On a side note, can you believe that insurance won't pay for MRI's on connecting joints on the same day. Seriously! So, one day I went for MRI's of the hands and feet and the next day for the ankles and wrists.

My original follow up appointment was rescheduled, so I didn't learn about the results of the tests until a couple of weeks ago. The diagnosis...Erosive Osteoarthritis or EOA. It's just like it sounds, I have warn spots and holes in my joints. She is treating the EOA with a medication called plaquenil. The medication has several unpleasant and scary side effects that I won't talk about now. They will monitor me on the medication to try and prevent any serious side effects.

The rheumatologist also said I have Fibromyalgia Syndrome, which wasn't a surprise because I was told I had that several years ago. In my case, it's caused by a lack of estrogen because I had a complete hysterectomy at age 21 due to severe endometriosis. Now the post cancer medication I take prevents my body from producing any estrogen and the result, as she said, is that my body is estrogen starved which results in Fibromyalgia Syndrome. Honestly, the Fibro is the least of my concerns!

Of course, my BIG question to the doc was..."is this a result of cancer or cancer treatment?" Why this matters, I don't know! It just seems to be a logical question! The doc went on to give me a couple of excellent analogies. For example, she explained the treatment against cancer, like fighting a battle. The oncologist is waging war against the cancer and his main focus is destroying the cancer, to save my life. However, just like in any other wars, there are innocent civilians injured. So it is, we have the ongoing fight against cancer that started in my breast but the casualties are felt in the rest of my body. Not everyone experiences the same effects from cancer or cancer treatment, but in my case, this seems to be the outcome.

It is a battle worth fighting!!

It's a bit of a mystery...but what's new?

In October, during my routine oncology appointment, my doctor suggested that I talk with my PC about my kidney function because my lab work was consistently coming back abnormal. So I made the appointment, saw the doc and although he wasn't too concerned, he ordered a renal ultrasound. The following week, I received a call from him, telling me that I have several kidney stones. The stones are not very big and probably will not cause me any trouble, but I should now consult with a urologist to see about having them "blasted" with ultra sound before they get any larger. I will be seeing the urologist later this month, adding one more doc to my ever increasing list!

On a Friday in mid November, I was working on Real Estate paperwork and making phone calls from my home office. I had not been feeling well in the previous weeks and dealing with chills and sweats. I thought maybe I had caught a bug from the grand kids but wasn't too concerned because nothing major seemed to be hurting (any more than usual).

I finally decided to jump in the shower and get ready for the day. I was shocked to see in the mirror a bright red "rash" across my chest. I went ahead and took a shower, keeping my back to the warm water. After showering, the red was not going away and I was getting a little nervous. I asked Sherry to take a look and she had the expected response...we better call dad. I insisted that it would probably go away with time and there was no need to bother him. A while later, the redness seemed to be increasing a little and after re-evaluation by Sherry, I gave Art a call. I chatted with him briefly and found out he was just around the corner, so there was no need to tell him until he was home. One look at it and he was ready to take me to the ER. At this point, my emotions were hard to contain and the thought of Inflamatory Breast Cancer raced through my mind.

Once I arrived at the ER, I was given a mask and taken in the back, almost immediately. I was having a hard time containing my emotions while talking to the nurse and then the doc. Within a very brief time in the ER, the redness was spreading quickly. The doc took a pen and outlined the area so that he could monitor the progress. Sherry laughed and said it looked like a bat on my chest. Stacey was home with her little guys, and anxiously awaiting text message updates from Sherry. Stacey told the boys that grandma was at the hospital and Seth wanted to know if I was getting a baby out of my tummy! Yikes...where did that come from? You have to remember that they had just found out, weeks earlier, that mommy was pregnant with baby #4. However, grandma was definitely NOT having a baby!!

I was seen by an infectious disease doc and started on some heavy duty antibiotics, while waiting for the results of all the blood work. Later...much, much later, I was admitted to the hospital for further observation. They assured me that it was not IBC but possibly cellulitis (skin infection). After a couple of nights in the hospital, lots of antibiotics, an allergic reaction, and a bit of stress, I was released and sent home with two oral antibiotics. The redness cleared up very quickly and has not returned. It's a bit of a mystery but what's new?

I lied...

Back in September, I said that I was going to make more of an effort to update my blog but I lied. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't have good intentions, but actually doing it is another story!

Lump Patrol...

It's been so long since I've posted an update...I'm not sure if anyone even reads this anymore! Regardless, I'm going to share my thoughts and try to be more diligent about posting.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed a lump in my upper chest area near the sight where my chemo port had been. At first I dismissed it thinking it was a muscle or something. After a few days of it being there I began to think that it was some scar tissue from the port...that seemed reasonable. I asked my hubby to feel it but with his big calloused hands, he wasn't sure if he felt anything and I thought that was a good sign.

On the 2nd of September, I was at my doctor's office being seen for a second round of a UTI and mentioned the lump. The doc felt the area and sure enough, she confirmed that there was something there and scheduled me for another mammo and ultrasound.

Yesterday was the diagnostic testing and I'm happy to say the mammo was "normal". I have to laugh at that statement! How normal can a mammo be when you've had a bilateral mastectomy? Trust me, just trying to perform the test is an accomplishment in itself. Regardless, it was "normal". On to the ultrasound room. The tech was quickly able to find the lump and I could see it on the screen. Anxiety! She filmed the lump and took the video in for the doc to review. It's not scar tissue or a muscle but yes, there is clearly a lump. They feel confident that it's not cancer but advised me to watch it for any changes in size or density. If that happens I will see a breast surgeon for further evaluation.

At this time...I'm on lump patrol!

Rejoicnig Over My 1099...Seriously!

I stopped by my office this past week to drop off paperwork and I grabbed the pile of junk mail in my mailbox. I hurried off to my car and sat there a moment as I thumbed through the pile of advertisements and hidden in the pile was my 1099 for 2008. As you know, I'm a Realtor and receive a 1099 as a independent contractor for tax purposes. I ripped open the envelope with out much thought and glanced at the line indicating my income for 2008...$9286...are you kidding me? Seriously, I knew I didn't make much last year but with the illness and so much else on my mind, I honestly hadn't stopped to think about my income for the year. So there I sat, starring at the figure, seriously amazed at the amount and for a moment felt a sense of panic. Then I broke into laughter, sitting there all alone, just me and God! If anyone was watching they probably thought I was crazy. I couldn't help but thank God for how incredible He is and how He provided for our needs this past year! We've had to make some adjustments but we've not gone lacking and in fact we've lived comfortably. We are so blessed and God has been so good. We have a beautiful home, food on the table, vehicles to drive, money for gas, health insurance, medications, and so much more!

I've said all along, there's never a "good time to get cancer" but if there was a good time for a Realtor to get cancer, God chose the best time for me! God has great timing and a pretty good sense of humor, don't you think?

My God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
~Phil 4:19

Stand in awe!

A dear friend gave me a daily calendar for 2009 with thoughts of inspiration and scripture. The first day I read "Stand in awe", from Psalms 4:4 and the thought went on to say, "I'll begin the new year filled with wonder just to be alive". How appropriate for my life. Yes, it's applicable to anyone, but after the past year or so, I'll shout a loud, amen! I often find myself feeling overcome with emotions when I realize the gift of each day!

The past few months have been a bit of a challenge for me. I started having daily headaches a few months ago but really wasn't too concerned, just thought it was because I needed an adjustment. I saw the doctor, got the adjustment but there was no improvement. I was sent to see a neurologist who recommended that I have an MRI. I couldn't have one at the time because the expander's in my chest had metal in them. So, I waited until after the exchange surgery to get the MRI. The results were a little "unclear" and showed some areas of concern but my doctor didn't think it was cancer related but perhaps some "other" medical issues. They wanted another MRI done with contrast, which I had and I'm now waiting for the results...later this week. Oh, and did I mention I had hand surgery thrown in there, too? Yes, before BC I was told I need carpal tunnel surgery and during the last year it became more severe. So in November, I had carpal tunnel surgery with two other incisions to release tendons in my thumb and wrist area. Just like anyone else, it seems like the challenges never end.

I want to live each day to the fullest, whatever that might be. My days are filled with working, serving, sharing, laughing, crying...just being me! Some days would be easier to stay in my comfy pj's and curl up on the couch but I can't remember a time when I've given into that temptation. I can't! I must live each day to the fullest! God has blessed my life in SO many incredible ways and I don't want to let one day slip by. I'm thankful for the gift of each day and I look forward to living each moment.

I stand in awe! Psalms 4:4

My Very Own Christmas Angel

Early in December, I had a surprise visit from my very own Christmas angel. Olivia is the daughter of my friend Beth and they raised money and walked with me on the "Race for the Cure", in October. Her mom called early one morning and said Olivia had a special surprise for me and asked if they could stop by. A little while later, Olivia showed up with an adorable pink bear that she had saved her money to buy for Miss Susie! Olivia made the bear at Build a Bear in the mall, filled her with love, and even dressed her in a pink outfit. Olivia named her Passion because she remembered the name of my team was Pink Ribbon Passion and she has a pink ribbon on the bottom of her foot in support of BC! Olivia was full of smiles and giggles when she gave me the bear and was sure to tell me she put a special heart inside of Passion for me! We exchanged lots of hugs that morning! Thank you Olivia, you're one special little girl!

Thankful

I am thankful for...

life...each day is a precious gift
Jesus, my Savior
my faith & hope
my devoted husband, a man of integrity
sensitive and loving daughters
a compassionate son in law
three adorable and silly grandsons
the support of my parents
my extended family
friends, both old and new
the sound of laughter
the power of prayer
God's healing touch
opportunities to share God's love
worship through music
challenges that test my faith
blessings that renew my hope
God's Word to encourage my heart

I am so blessed and I pray that God will allow me to be a blessing to others!

Happy Thanksgiving!

MRI

Why is it that you don't have to do something until you know you can't? If you've ever had the pleasure of having an MRI, you understand to what I'm referring? On the way to the room, the tech asked if I needed to use the bathroom to which I responded, no I'm fine, thanks. So, we proceed to the room and I'm positioned on the table. I'm given some headphones so the sound of the machine is muffled. She cranks up some music...certainly not my choice but I try and relax. My eyes must remain shut and as if she doesn't trust me to do this, she places a wash cloth over my eyes. I wonder if they use a clean wash cloth for each patient? Hmmm. I'm handed a panic button and my hands are clasped on it...just in case I need to get out NOW! I'm rolled into the machine and I'm told not to move...just try to relax. The music is annoying and interrupted by her voice at the beginning of each cycle of the machine. I'm relieved to know, I haven't been sent in to bake and then forgotten! I wonder the "what ifs"...what if I have some metal in my body, you know something left over from a surgery. I recently watched ER where they rolled the patient in on the wrong gurney (metal of course) and the patient was smashed between the machine and the gurney. Why do I watch these shows? I try to relax and start praying, not because I'm scared...just taking advantage of the "quiet time". Now that I can't move, I become very aware of an itch on my face and want to reach up and scratch. I tell my self to ignore it. I continue to pray. Suddenly, I have a tickle in my throat and I'm telling myself...don't cough, don't cough, while I try to swallow to sooth the irritation and focus on praying! Then, I start feeling the need to use the bathroom but I know I must be about done. Just then, her voice breaks through the music and clacking of the machine to tell me I'm half way done. Great...my bladder is going to bust! I'm comforted just to know I have the panic button, should I need it. Pray! I start to chuckle, thinking of my dilemma. I'm reminded of my grandsons who are more enticed to do something when they are told it's off limits and I can relate more than ever. I continue to pray for my family and friends, for the outcome of the procedure. Before long, the clunking and whirling sound of the machine stops and the tech breaks through to tell me it's over! Thank you, Lord! I find Art in the waiting room and gracefully make a bee line to the little girls room! Whew...glad that's done!

PVC Picnic

In Loving Memory...

One year ago today, my friend Peggie entered heavens gates after a seven year battle with breast cancer. Peggie was special to me for many different reasons. Most importantly, she is the mother of my son-in-law, Jeff and she raised him to be a devoted follower of Christ and a man of integrity! Peggie and I proudly shared the grandma role of our three grandsons from Jeff and Stacey.

My friendship with Peggie goes back many years, long before our children fell in love! We attended church together and about 20 years ago, Art and I worked with Jeff's parents in a camping ministry, just outside of Show Low, for several years. Peggie and I spent summer's together in the camp office, handling registrations, donations and other office related issues, as well as helping in the kitchen, and anywhere else we were needed. During the off season, I worked out of their home office in Phoenix, assisting her with camp related tasks. I learned a great deal from Peggie during those years. She was a very humble servant and a strong woman of faith! She had a deep love for God and a heart for children. I enjoyed sitting in and listening to her tell Bible stories at camp and seeing the faces of the children as she talked about Jesus. We all lovinly referred to her as "Aunt Peggie". I have a lot of fond memories of time spent with Aunt Peggie, especially relating to the ministry of Victory Heights Bible Camp.

She had a huge impact on my daughter's from a very early age! They grew up loving "Aunt Peggie" and little did we know that she would one day be Stacey's mother-in-law.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, Peggie was near the end of her battle. We didn't speak too many words about the BC but when I visited her at hospice, a few days before my surgery, she assured me that she was praying for me.

Today, I know she is in heaven with our Savior and I look forward to seeing her again one day!

Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. ~ 2 Corinthians 5:8 (NLT)

Find a Cure...

Exchange

Tuesday I had my exchange surgery and I'm home recovering now. Those of you who are familiar with the process, you'll understand what the exchange surgery involves. For those of you who aren't sure what it is, I'll briefly explain.

First, let me just say that although I am a very private person, I have felt compelled from the beginning of my journey with breast cancer to be transparent and honest about my experience so that others can learn from my story. The current statistics are that one in 8 women will be diagnosed with BC in their lifetime. Now, think about the number of women in your life...who might be touched by this disease? Perhaps, traveling this journey with me, will allow you to be educated and comfortable supporting someone else...until the day we find a cure!

October of 2007, when I was diagnosed, I had a bilateral mastectomy. A few weeks later, the plastic surgeon went back in and inserted expanders in to my chest. I saw the doctor weekly to have saline injected into the expanders to gradually expand my chest and make room for implants. In April, I had to have the expanders replaced because one was defective and I had to start the process again. The exchange surgery is when the doctor removes the expander and replaces it with a breast implant. Although it is impossible to re-create a breast after such radical surgery, the goal is to at least make you feel "a little more normal". Obviously, it will never be the same again!

It's an odd feeling, going to sleep and not knowing what to expect when you wake up. I have to admit, I wasn't overly thrilled with the outcome. However, it has caused me to think about the final exchange that will take place one of these days! I know that someday, I will be given a perfect body, without blimish or scar and I will forever be with my Savior! Until then, the scars are a reminder of what He has done for me and I will share the good news of Christ as long as I have breath!

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~2 Corinthians 4:18