Never So Loved

A few days ago, I was reading Chicken Soup for the Breast Cancer Survivor's Soul, a recent gift from my friend, Colette. One comment really stuck with me...You'll never feel so loved! That comment is so very true! In the past few weeks, I have received so much love and support from my family and friends!!

Love has come in many different forms and each and every expression has been very heartwarming:

• prayers
• cards, letters, emails, e-cards, text messages, phone calls
• visits & lots of hugs
• prayer journal
• music
• pink bracelets, pins
• flowers
• coloring pages from children
• delicious meals
• chai tea lattes & Starbucks gift card for more!
• books, movies, & popcorn
• singing bear (you've got to see & hear it)
• slippers, pj's & a blanket
• breast cancer awareness bear with little pink ribbons
• pink M&M's, pink mints, pink chocolates, pink cookies, pink tic tacs
• pink ribbons on everything!!

My friend, Beth, has made me a couple of cd's to listen to with encouraging praise music, too. This past weekend was our church picnic but I wasn't able to attend. I had 3 friends, Melissa, Samantha & Carol, show up at the door with huge smiles and they said, "since you couldn't come to the picnic, we brought the picnic to you!" Can you believe it? One family who has recently been through this battle, insisted on letting us use their recliner for me to sleep in...what a huge blessing this has been!

Thank you, friends and family for loving me through this storm and allowing me to feel loved like never before!!!

Here We Go Again!

I'll be heading back to the hospital and operating room tomorrow for additional surgery! It's been back and forth all day, trying to get the surgery scheduled. Finally, the surgeons were able to coordinate their schedules, thanks to a little help from my hubby and the front desk girls. Of course, I know that God was the One who really worked out the details!!

So, here we go again...I'm dreading it but I want to get it done! I have been feeling so much better the past couple of days and I don't relish the thought of starting over! The doc said recovery will be about 10 days, although I'm thinking my recent practice should give me an edge, so I hope to be up and running sooner.

Please pray that they will get a clear margin this time! They will also be inserting a port/cath for my chemo and the devices for the reconstructive surgery that will take place in a few months. It's a lot to cram into one surgery but I'm glad they are willing to work together and get it all accomplished!

Waiting...

Can I just say, I don't like to wait! The hardest part about this situation is the waiting. Once I found out I had breast cancer, I wanted it out NOW! Of course, I had to wait for all the necessary steps to take place first. Then, waiting for results. Now, I know I need more surgery and I want it done NOW! Again, I have to wait for the necessary process. Then, there's the waiting for the treatment and healing! I was just telling my hubby yesterday that I don't like waiting!!

I want to get on with living! I still have so much I want to do as a wife, mom, grandma, daughter, sister, friend, realtor, etc. Waiting isn't easy! I feel like my life has been put on hold but the funny thing is that life continues swirling around me. Even though my life seems to be temporarily on pause, everyone around me is busy moving on.

So, this morning I open my Bible to read and spend some time with God and what do I read? Let me just tell you, God knows exactly where I am and how I feel today.

Here is what I read...

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, the Lord is my portion; therefore I WILL WAIT FOR HIM! The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him. ~Lamentations 3:22-25

Perspective

The other day, Stacey had stopped by with her boys, my three adorable grandsons! As we were visiting, she was nursing Little J, who is almost 5 months old now. Stacey asked me, "does this bother you?" I'm sure I had a confused look on my face as I said, "does what bother me?" She said, "me nursing Little J, you know, with my breast!" This really caught me off guard and my first response (in my head) was "that's the best thing to use for nursing" but of course, I sensed a sincerity in Stacey's voice and knew this was a time to be serious. I assured her that it didn't bother me in the least. Honestly, the thought had never even entered my mind! We laughed as I asked, "did you really think I would be upset because you have breasts and I don't?" She was just trying to be sensitive to me, I know, and I thought that was so sweet!

Seeing a mother nursing her child is a beautiful thing...when that mother and child are my daughter and grandchild, it's even more beautiful! I am thankful that it's me with breast cancer and not her! Obviously, she needs her breasts more than I needed mine! God in His perfect wisdom, knows exactly what He is doing!

Here is our sweet Little J, ready for a day at the park! Isn't he adorable?

Laughter...Good Medicine!

I wanted a picture with the girls. Then Stacey says, okay now a funny one, she and I goofed off while Sherry said she would just concentrate on standing. For those who don't know, Sherry has been in a wheelchair for about 3 years and standing is a chore right now!

My girls have been such a blessing! The day after I found out about the breast cancer, they went out and bought these little silver bracelets with a pink ribbon around a cross. They said, "mom, we are BREAST friends, forever!!" How sweet is that?

The day of my surgery, they presented me with a Prayer Journal, filled with prayers and words of encouragement from friends and family! I sat there in the pre-op, reading the journal and crying! I was so touched by the precious words of love that filled that book, as well as the love my girls showed me by their thoughtfulness! As always, they know how to touch their mom's heart!

Well, as usual, the girls and I are clowning around and having fun together! You have to be able to laugh in the midst of these kind of circumstances! I'm sure, not everyone enjoys our humor, or even understands it. I am determined not to let this "get me down". Sure, I'm sad about the situation and I've cried plenty of tears...I'm sure there will be more to come, too! However, I'm choosing joy today! After surgery, when Art and the girls came in to see me, I remember trying to look under the gown to see the incisions. I lifted my gown and said..."now you see 'em, now you don't!" Later, Stacey asked me if I remembered saying that and I smiled and said "yes". She said she wasn't sure if it was really me or just the drugs! I guess I should have blamed it on the drugs!

Drains Out

Art and I went to the surgeon yesterday and he removed the drains from both sides!! As Art is witnessing the procedure, he says "oh my gosh!" He looks at me and says "that was wild". I said, "I don't want to know, right now!" It was great relief, once they came out! Later he described the process, which made me realize why it felt the way it did. I still have quite a bit of swelling and soreness but I'm feeling better each day! The surgeon is pleased with my progress and healing. We talked about the next surgery and got answers to our questions. We'll know more after seeing the plastic surgeon on Monday.

Small Detour

The surgeon called last evening with some good news and some bad news, as he said. The good news is that the lymph node biopsy's continue to come in clear. Also, the tumor measured smaller than they originally thought so he would consider the cancer a stage 1 instead of stage 2! Praise God!

The other news is that they need to go back in for more surgery!! The surgeon said the clear margin around the tumor wasn't enough. He said the lab results showed only 2mm. We had understood the oncologist to say 2cm. Even so, he said that would have been questionable but 2mm is definitely not enough. He said there could be microscopic cancer cells in the remaining tissue and he's not willing to take that chance. Neither am I! It significantly increases my re-ocurrence rate if they don't go back in. So, he will talk with the plastic surgeon and see if they can go back in soon to remove more tissue, put the expander's in place and also insert the port/cath for my chemotherapy. I will meet with the surgeon today at 2:45. He hopes to be able to remove one of the two drains today. I will meet with the plastic surgeon on Monday and see what we can work out for the additional surgery. Please pray that scheduling will not be a problem for the two surgeons and the hospital. Also, the oncologist had said he didn't want me undergoing surgery during chemo, so we have to coordinate with him and get his blessing.

Needless to say, I was a little discouraged when I heard the news. My surgery was just one week ago today and the thought of additional surgery, already, was upsetting! I'm okay with it now, it was just a lot of information to digest at the time.

So, here we go, we're moving along on the journey and there was a small bump on the road which is causing a small detour. God is in control and I'm not going to worry about the details! This was no surprise to God and it was all part of His plan.

I guess I get another opportunity to experience that incredible peace!!

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord. ~Psalm 31:24

Incredible Peace

Last Thursday, as I lay waiting in the pre-op for my surgery time, I was so calm! I have to admit, even I was amazed at how completely peaceful I felt. I've had my share of surgeries in the past and I always hate the waiting time before surgery as my heart races and I feel anxious for what is about to take place. This time it was so different!! Several people who stopped by to see me, even some of the nursing staff, asked if I had already been given medication to relax me. Nope! I was calm and at peace because of the presence of God in my life. I felt His peace and comfort like never before. I didn't know what the outcome of surgery would be...but I did know that God was in control of the situation.

I know that so many people were praying for me that morning!! God showed up in a BIG way! My spirits were uplifted and my body was calm! I remember thinking of the words of a song a dear friend had given me right after the diagnosis. I prayed, as I lay there, God, I'm climbing into your lap and I want to stay there...Jesus, sing over me! What an awesome thought that was as I pictured myself in the lap of Jesus, surround by His arms of love and Him singing over me. Whew! Even now, it brings tears to my eyes! (The song is by Mercy Me, "Keep Singing".)

The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:7

God is Faithful!

I can't believe that three weeks ago today, I found out I had breast cancer. Here I am, already past surgery and anticipating chemo. I'm amazed at how quickly this process has taken place but I'm so thankful that I didn't have to wait too long!

As you've heard...the surgery went really well. In fact, I slept right through it! Today Art spoke with the oncologist office and they said they feel confident that they got all the cancer! They got a 2cm clear section around the tumor. The final verdict isn't in regarding the lymph nodes but they said all the initial tests look good! They removed 2 nodes and anticipate good results.

The next big step will be chemo, once I heal a little from the surgery. I see a plastic surgeon on the 29th and then the oncologist again on the 5th of November. I will also see the surgeon next week to have the drains removed. I'm also waiting for a PET scan to be done. They are supposed to have that scheduled by the end of the week. This scan will check my entire body for the presence of cancer. Again, I'm trusting God for good results but will feel better once it's done!

I've jokingly said the surgery was a "big load off my chest", but there's a lot of truth in those humorous words! I'm so glad to know the cancer has been removed. Once I knew it was there, I just wanted it OUT! I feel like my chest has been run over by a truck and I'm more aware than ever before how often I use chest muscles! However, I'm feeling a little stronger every day! Today I walked with Art down to the mailboxes and back. That was a big accomplishment. Each day is a beautiful day, full of God's goodness! I'm thankful for a sense of humor to help me look on the brighter side of life!

Thank you for your prayers and warm words of encouragement. I wish I felt strong enough to respond to each of you individually but please know how much you are loved and appreciated!

She got some sleep...

Hi this is Sherry..

Mom did good through the night. She said that she slept good and that she was glad to be home and out of that hospital bed.

She wanted a chia tea this morning from Starbucks! So Dad ran and got her one and now I think she wants some sherbert. She wanted sherbert yesterday but they said not yet. So today she can have that. And she said thanks for the surprise gifts and cards that have been left at the door!!

Sorry I don't have a lot to say but she is in good spirits and I know that you were waiting to hear how she is doing. So I or Stacey will write more later till she is feeling up to writing to you. Have a bless day!

She made it through

Hey Everyone,

It's Stacey, my Mom asked that I update this for her. She made it through surgery yesterday. They got all the cancer and had to take about three lymph nodes. The doctors feel very confident that the cancer had not spread. We are just so glad she made it through this stage. Today they will monitor her at the hospital and then she'll probably come home in the afternoon/evening.

She is such a fighter and I'm so proud of her! While she was waking up she said to my Dad and I, "I did my best you guys!" She had tears in her eyes and made my Dad and I both choke up. Then later she told us, "I'm going to be a survivor!!" Again, making everyone in the room cry. We are so thankful she is up for this fight! She is such a strong woman and we know with God on her side nothing can stop her!

Please continue to pray for all of us. This is a long and tiring road but we are just going to keep walking together. Thank you for all the support, encouragement and prayers for my Mom! She couldn't have made it without all of you!

More updates to come...

Love,
Stacey

Calm My Anxious Heart

I will be leaving for the hospital this morning and checking in around 10 a.m. At 11:30 a.m., they will do a biopsy of my lymph nodes to determine if the cancer has spread. So far, the indications are good that it is contained in my breast tissue. The surgery will follow at 4:30 p.m. Please pray that the results of the biopsy will show no evidence of cancer cells in the lymph nodes.

I know I will be feeling anxious as the time approaches for surgery. I remember a Bible study I did a few years back with a group of women from my church, titled "Calm My Anxious Heart". That will be my prayer today. Please pray for my family, as well, I know this is so difficult for them and the waiting 2 1/2 hours while I'm in surgery won't be easy! At least that's what they tell me. They'll probably be down at the cafeteria eating dinner and playing cards. Maybe I should send in a spy to report the real story. Seriously, I value your prayers for me and my family during these anxious moments!

I'm taking God at His word...

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. ~I Peter 5:7

Blessing of Friendships, Old & New

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." ~Anais Nin

I can't even begin to express what's on my heart tonight. In the past 2 weeks, I have been so touched by the love and support of so many dear friends! God has surrounded me and comforted me with many wonderful friends...many old friends and some new friends! As the word has spread about my breast cancer, I have received emails, phone calls, text messages, cards, etc. expressing support and commitment to prayer on my behalf. God has answered those prayers as I have felt His peace in this storm. Thank you for standing with me in prayer and believing that God can heal me! I love you so much and pray that God will bless you, as well!

I thank my God every time I remember you. ~Philippians 1:3

Bring in the troops!

Here is my support team for the coming weeks and they each have a special place in my heart! Little J is so lovable and cuddly and makes me smile. Scooter is quite entertaining and keeps me laughing! Buddy is gramma's boy and he is content to snuggle beside me with a book or to watch TV. Time with them is more healing than any medicine!

I've wanted a family picture for quite some time now, so the girls planned it before my surgery. What a blessing. I have to admit, my spirits were a bit down last night and I wasn't really looking forward to having pictures done 2 days before surgery! Of course, I'm thrilled that we finally did it!!! I know that it will be a cherished memory for years to come.

It was quite the challenge to get a talkative 6 year old, a very active 3 year old and a squirmy 4 month old to cooperate for a picture. Besides that, we had to deal with Art and Jeff! Just kidding!

Thanks for the memories! I love you!

Best Marriage Ever

Our church, Palm Valley (best church in town) just started a new series called "Your Best Marriage Ever" and I can't help but feel so blessed to have a wonderful man in my life. Marriage isn't always easy, in fact, sometimes it's down right difficult.

Art and I have been married now for 28 years! We met as children, fell in love as teenagers, married as very young adults. Looking back, we had no idea what we were getting into at the time. We were two young "kids" who believed that God had brought us together. From the beginning of our relationship we purposed to keep God at the center. We have always been involved in ministry, individually and as a family. We did our best to raise our children to love God and to serve Him with a passion. We've made plenty of mistakes! Fortunately, with God's direction, we did a few things right, too! It seems like we weren't much more than kids raising our own kids and learning along the way.

I'm so thankful for a man who loves God and desires to live his life for Christ. We've grown in our walk with God as we've grown in our relationship with each other. We've weathered some difficult storms in the past and God has always proven himself faithful. Should we expect anything less this time around? I'm thankful for the trials we've experienced in the past because it has built a confidence in our hearts, knowing that our God is always faithful!

For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth. ~Psalm 71:5

Oncology Appointment

Art and I met with the Oncologist today. Basically, it was just an initial consultation and I'll be following up with him a few weeks after surgery. I did learn that my biopsy indicated that it is not an aggressive type of cancer!! Also, the hormone receptor test was positive, which usually means a better prognosis. There's so much to learn about cancer and the treatment process. I can easily become overwhelmed so I have to just take one step at a time. My chemo will start three weeks or so after surgery. He won't know the extent of the chemo treatment until after surgery when they know more about my situation. He said I can expect chemo treatment to last 3 - 6 months. I'm not looking forward to this process!!!

I will be at the hospital at 10:30 on Thursday. They will do a Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy to determine if the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes. They will have the results back prior to surgery, which will determine how many lymph nodes have to be removed. The mastectomy will be done at 4:30 and will take about 2 1/2 hours. I may be able to come home the next day.

It's still so hard to believe this is really happening! When I tell someone I have breast cancer, it seems to echo in my head. I don't know how to prepare for what is ahead but I'm trusting God to walk me through each step.

Have I told you how much I appreciate your prayers?
I value each prayer on my behalf!
Thank you so much!

Breast Cancer Walk

My friend, Nicole, participated in the walk on Sunday and sent me this picture. I was speechless...I had no idea she was doing this! Her dear friend, Shannon, was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year and is finishing up her treatment. Watching her has been an inspiration to me. I'm amazed at the wonderful people God has placed in my life!

Surgery Schedule (changed) & Decisions

Thank you for praying with me about the many decisions I've had to make recently!! I have to admit, I could easily become overwhelmed but God has given me incredible peace! Art has been right beside me, holding my hand, and helping me make these tough choices. God has given us clear direction and a unity each time. My girls are very supportive, too! Together, we have laughed and cried.

We met with the surgeon again, and have decided on a bilateral mastectomy. This was not a decision made lightly, but after consulting with two doctors, we are comfortable with the choice. The words from my gyn doc ring in my head, "you have to live with your decision". That is my goal...I want to LIVE with my decision!! I don't want to look back with regrets!

Here's the schedule...

I will meet with the oncologist on Monday morning.
I preregister for the surgery Monday afternoon.
Surgery is scheduled for 4:30 pm on Thursday (yes, today they changed the date) and will take about 2 1/2 hours.
I will stay at least one night in the hospital.

After meeting with the oncologist, I will have more information about my treatment following the surgery. The surgeon said I will require chemo because of the tumor size (3mm or about 1 inch). Chemo will probably start a few weeks after surgery and the surgeon said I should expect about a 6 month recovery time.

My goal is to continue to work during my treatment and healing. I love my job! I have help and support from coworkers, if I should need it.

Thank you for your prayers!!

Life Changing Experience

It's amazing how life can change in a moment, through one event, or in a few short words, without warning, and sometimes without our permission.

• At age 9, when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior, I experienced life change.
• At 18, when I gave me heart to my husband, Art (now of 28 years), I experienced wonderful life change.
• At 18 when I was told I would never give birth to a child, my heart was crushed and my life was changed.
• At 19 when I gave birth to my first daughter, Stacey, I experienced a miracle and my life was changed.
• At 21 when I gave birth to my second daughter, Sherry, my second miracle and my life was changed, again.
• When I was 21, I had a hysterectomy for medical reasons and again, my life was changed.
• When I was 39, my oldest daughter was married and I was blessed with an incredible son-in-law, my life was changed.
• In 2001, I became a grandma and oh, how wonderfully Josh has changed my life!
• In 2002, I became a "career" woman and my life changed drastically!
• In 2004, I was blessed with my second grandson, Seth, and has he ever changed my life!
• In 2004, Sherry became seriously ill and disabled. My life was changed forever!
• In 2007, my third grandson, Jacob, was born and what a blessed life change, again!
• In October of 2007, I have been diagnosed with breast cancer and my life is changing before my eyes!

This I know, my life will never be the same again. However, the God of the universe, who determines each of these defining moments in my life, is still on the throne! He does not sleep or slumber! He has allowed this life changing experience and He will walk this journey with me, giving me strength for each day. I'm so thankful for my wonderful family and precious friends that God has placed on this journey of life with me!

What life changing experience are you facing?

Please remember...

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit! ~Romans 15:13